Leo
is 12 weeks old now. The time is just flying by in a haze of bliss I
must say. My body seems to be adjusting to the broken sleep now and I
find myself better able to function on a day to day level than a few
weeks ago. When we came home we came under the care of an amazing
midwife who lives locally and she was so wonderful and supportive of
where things were at for me with a newborn that I hadn’t given birth to.
We discussed the differences between going through a pregnancy and then
giving birth and then having a new baby and basically being handed a
brand new baby and then working out how it all works. Without the
discomfort of late pregnancy, the kicking and booting, the discomfort
and frequent toilet stops, it is harder to switch over to ‘full stop’
mode. I didn’t have the precursors and pre-training that naturally comes
with pregnancy, so it took me a while to realise that I had to stop and
rest and grab naps when I could rather than pushing through and ending
up in a big puddle of despair from lack of sleep.It was really helpful to hear that advice. I took it all onboard, and now I work my nights and days around Leo’s routines (or lack there of depending on how he is feeling) without guilt or pressure that I should be doing something else.
It pays to be a quick study when it comes to mothering a surrogate or adopted newborn LOL.
Leo is now fully on the bottle and doing really well with it. I totally loved my time feeding him at the breast, and I may even re-latch him at some point if I feel the need, but the bottle feeding is going so well and I feel so connected with him and can see and feel his connection to me. It is an experience that goes beyond words. It is a true gift of motherhood to feel that. It took me several months to feel that deep connection before, so to have it come upon me so early on has been a real bonus because I really didn’t know how long it was going to take…. Not all mothers and babies bond immediately even when they have given birth, so this phenomenon did not overly worry me as I trusted that it would happen when it happened…. And this time I have been blessed with it happening really quickly.
He is a really easy baby. We seem to have avoided the colic which is almost bordering on a miracle given that both Tatum (Olivia’s little girl) and Ysabellah (our other precious wee surro bub who is now 4 1/2) both had terrible colic. It appears that we have missed that this time around and I couldn’t be more grateful! He eats regularly and is just a delightful pudding. Being such a big baby born he missed the whole ‘newborn’ phase and went straight to looking like a 3 month old. His hair has just pretty much all fallen out – but I’m afraid we have to claim responsibility for at least some of that as we keep rubbing and kissing the top of his head LOL. Now we wait to see what colour is baby hair will be. My money is still on auburn or red
As I write this, Leo is snuggled against me in the moby wrap, on my front, sound asleep. I keep kissing his downy head, listening to his breathing and feeling the solid and warm weight of him resting against me. There are just some moments that stand still in time, moments that I want to forever etch into my mind and never forget. I never want to forget how he feels, his warmth, his smell, his little noises. This is the stuff that dreams are made of….
We have had several lovely visits with Olivia. It just makes my heart grow big to see Leo getting cuddles with her and Nan. There is a sense of rightness and connection that makes me feel this is indeed a very lucky little man to have so many people who love him.
Ysabellah has taken to big sister hood like a pro. The age gap has worked really well for us and she loves doing ‘big sister’ things and feeling very important.
The other week we had our final home visit from our Social Worker. He had such lovely things to say about Olivia and the conversations they had had, and it was so gratifying to hear the lovely things he had to say about us too. He mentioned how impressed he was with our journey and our ongoing friendship. We talked a lot about some of the reasons this experience has been so positive…. And the bulk of that comes down to communication. As part of our adoption paperwork we included our ‘letter of intent’ which is an agreement between us all, a reference point if you will, that we can refer to during the journey. It just outlines what we all agree to and what we all expect from each other, right down to the really tough nitty gritty like termination (if that would happen or not, and under what circumstances etc), to how many times we were all prepared to try for a pregnancy, what all our roles were and so on. He had not seen a document like that before and found it very helpful in his own understanding of how a good surrogacy situation works.
So now we are on the countdown to Adoption day, which is literally just around the corner. That will be our final blog entry…. End of another era.
~ From Olivia ~
It’s been 12 weeks since Leo was born and I got to have my body back.
As much as I felt like I was going to be pregnant forever, looking back now, that 9 months happened in the blink of an eye really.
My daughter Tatum was glad to get her Mummy back after my 4 days in hospital and was very excited at the fact that there is now room on my lap for her to sit and snuggle with me again. I’m feeling very much lighter and can fit back into my regular shoes again.
Emotionally things have been fine. I was prepared for the worst sort of emotional wave to come over me after giving birth, but it never came. I chose to take a prescribed medication that stopped my lactation and I think not having that hormonal side to worry about also make things much easier.
It’s quite a surreal space now to be in as a surrogate. I have to keep reminding myself that I just gave birth 12 weeks ago, and I still need to take things easy. Since surrogacy has been a huge part of my life for the last 3 years I feel like my job is done, but now what?! I’m back driving, working part time and planning to study next year. Having plans in place definitely helps the transition back into my “normal” life again.
Bernice
and Leo have popped up a couple of times to visit and its great to
catch up with Bernice and see how she is relishing being with her little
man.I often get asked if I will do it again. It’s quite a tricky one to answer, I would love to of course, but it would need to be the right timing again because you need to dedicate at least a year to it.
I have noticed lately that a lot of people are asking if I get to “See the baby” It makes me wonder what the perception is of surrogacy out there sometimes, so I am always happy to explain that I have a great friendship with Bernice and Mark that goes beyond the surrogacy. I don’t feel the need to see Leo all the time, but it’s nice when Bernice has a trip up and we catch up over lunch. Bernice texts and emails me photos or cute things that Leo does and I appreciate her sharing those with me.
I’m going down to Wellington in a couple of weeks to celebrate the official adoption court day. This will mean the end to all the paperwork and legal side of my surrogacy journey. For me, my journey felt finished when I gave birth to Leo, so the court day doesn’t hold much significance, but I’m excited for Bernice and Mark that Leo will “officially” be their son….. and we are celebrating with a lunch at my FAVOURITE place… Starbucks
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