I always had a “feeling” that Leo would stay put until our elective c-section date (39 weeks). Everyone around me thought I was crazy and that he would make his appearance earlier than that.
It’s fair to say I didn’t get much sleep the night before Leo’s birthday. I was trying to distract myself by watching dvds and ended up getting about 3 hours sleep. I was so excited for Bernice and Mark to finally meet their precious son and I wasn’t nervous about the impending surgery at all.
Before I knew it, it was 6.30am and Bernice and Mark had arrived to pick me up and we made our way to the hospital. The short drive across town seemed to take forever, but really it wasn’t long before we had taken our seats and we were catching up on the latest from the Olympics on the tiny TV in the corner of the waiting room.
Then
we had “the call” and we were moved to the next waiting area so Bernice
and I could don our lovely theatre wear. We had our last photo
opportunities together as a team of 3 because very soon we were to
become a team of 4!
This is when we parted ways, Bernice and I both said an emotional
farewell to Mark as he made his way to the recovery waiting room and we
made our way to our final waiting area before the actual theatre room.
Our wonderful student midwife Reyna came in to see us and get the final
instructions on how to use the high tech camera. The surgeon and other
staff seemed a bit anxious that our midwife Maree had not yet arrived. I
was trying to act cool, calm and collected but all I had going through
my head was a previous time when Maree had missed a birth because they
did the c-section earlier than planned. Thankfully Maree made it with
minutes to spare and I could relax again.Now a warning that the next part is a little blurry still and quite surreal – The nerves finally started to kick in as I was wheeled into theatre and different people popped up in front of me to introduce who they were and what their job was. I’m terrible with names at the best of times so this was just cruel! Haha
I was getting prepped for the spinal, hunched over a pillow trying my best to keep still, Maree was sitting in front of me talking ever so calmly and holding my hands, she was such a star! Next thing I know I’m lying back on the table with all sorts of machines being hooked up to me and Bernice is by my side holding my hand.
The
surgeons got underway and they took quite a while because of my
previous c-section scaring and two previous abdominal surgeries. My
chest felt quite heavy because the spinal went up quite high so I kept
forgetting to take deep breaths, luckily the lovely anaesthetist was
right there to keep reminding me!Then came the part I was dreading – when my surgeon had to almost climb right up on the table to get enough force to push down on my belly to get Leo out. It was uncomfortable but not nearly as bad as I had thought it would be and I had asked the anaesthetist to pre warn me so I could prepare mentally for it. Within minutes Leo was born and everyone in the theatre started commenting about how huge he was. Someone held him up over the screen briefly so I could see him and all I remember seeing was these gorgeous big chubby cheeks.
He was whisked away to be checked, cleaned up, weighed etc. I had told Bernice earlier that as soon as Leo was born she was to go and be with him and not to worry about me. I remember someone in the theatre making the comment that he was definitely a 10 pound baby, I just laughed and said “no way”, then came the grand announcement that he was 10 pounds 10 ounces! I thought they were joking and then being blown away when they kept telling me over and over until I really believed it.
Bernice
brought Leo over to see me and I remember feeling immense relief that
he was ok and finally in the arms of his Mum who had been waiting so
long to meet him. The relief that washed over me allowed my whole body
and mind to relax, it’s a hard thing to describe, but then I just went
to sleep. I could still hear the occasional talking of people around me
in the theatre but didn’t pay any attention to what they were actually
saying. I think I slept for about an hour, the whole time the surgeons
were busy stitching me up. Being in recovery was a bit of a blur to me, I
was very tired and thirsty and annoyed at the nurse that had to keep
checking my vitals every 5 minutes, why couldn’t he just let me sleep?
Next
we got taken up to the post natal ward, Bernice, Leo and I settled into
our double room. Previously I was a bit unsure how we would go with
sharing a room but it was actually the best thing we could’ve done. I
loved having Bernice as a “roomy” and having Leo cuddles whenever I
needed them. We chatted up a storm every day, reflected on our journey
together as a team over the past year, amazed at what a chilled baby Leo
is and the hot topic was what we would choose off our menus for the
following day. If we had been in separate rooms I think the adjustment
would’ve been so much harder for me and I would’ve felt so alone. Our
days seemed to revolve around mealtimes and when I was due for my pain
medication – we laughed about this constantly!
Our
4 night stay in Palmerston North Hospital was wonderful and we had such
amazing duty midwives that took great care of us. Once it was time for
us to leave the hospital I was very excited for Bernice and Mark to be
embarking on a new chapter of their life with Leo and I was looking
forward to recovering at home with lots of smoked salmon sushi, coffee
and other such delights that I gave up while pregnant.~Bernice’s Birth Story~
Meeting Leonardo
The weeks leading up to the elective Caesar due date saw me going EVERYWHERE ready with the car packed with suitcases, car seat, pram, hospital bags for Leo and I, bottles, naps – in fact you name it, and I had it in the car… just in case.
My phone was permanently at my side and I soon adjusted to the leap my heart would make every time a txt or call came through. I thought he would take matters into his own hands and arrive early, but Olivia had it sussed… she said all along he would wait for delivery day and she was right.
Mark and I made the move to Palmerston North on Thursday the 9th August, and got all settled into the accommodation. Ysabellah was all settled at the neighbours for her special sleep over and everything was ready. We went out for dinner with Olivia, Tatum and Nan Robyn (Olivia’s mum) that night and had a lovely time passing the hours away before trying to get some sleep. I think we knew that sleep was going to be somewhat elusive for all of us. We had a super early start the next morning but even that enticement didn’t help us get to sleep. It was just so amazing to think that in a few short hours we were going to meet our son who had been so beautifully taken care of in Olivia’s tummy for the past 9 months.
We
woke early, showered and changed and hit the road so that we could pick
Olivia up at 6:30am ready to be at the hospital for 7am. Between us all
we had a fair amount of luggage… much to the consternation of the
admissions staff, but they dealt with us beautifully with a smile on
their faces.
There was some delay as the final admission paperwork was done and
around 9am we headed in to the pre-surgery area to get all kitted out in
our operating room gear. Mark was not going to be in theatre with us,
and he was fine with that as it was something that we had mentally and
emotionally prepared for earlier, so Olivia got into her very sexy gown
(at least it was a nice colour lol) and I got into a pair of scrubs,
booties and hat and we waited in yet another area ready for our turn. A
conveyer belt came to mind! There was a bit of stress as our midwife had
not yet turned up so they were organizing for a stand in to come to
theatre and take over… but just in the nick of time… there she came all
bright and breezy and immediately things felt more settled. It was quite
funny, I was trying to be calm on the outside and be all cool and
non-plussed about Maree not being there, and Olivia was doing the same…
when both of us were actually starting to stress about it!I lost track of time a bit, but at some point Olivia was taken into the theatre ready for her spinal to be put in. The student midwife stayed outside the theatre with me and helped keep my mind occupied while they did what they had to do on the other side of the door. I could hear the heart monitor beeping away and could tell by the rise and fall of the beeps what Olivia was going through…. Had some very big feelings of guilt and worry about what she was about to go through for us, but then the excitement and anticipation took over again… and the beeping had settled to a slower pace again which I found very reassuring.
The student midwife was in charge of the camera and started capturing the big event for us.
Once Olivia was all settled on the table I was brought in and shown where to sit by Olivia’s head. I was given my instructions on what I could and couldn’t touch, and then things got underway. I felt very excited but also very calm…. But despite this, my hands were pretty clammy. I had promised Olivia that I wouldn’t submit her to any ‘headlock hugs’ while she was strapped to the table and unable to defend herself from my hugs, but it felt very reassuring have hold of her hand.
I had spent some time on YouTube watching caesareans to get me ready so I wouldn’t be overwhelmed by it all, and I am glad I did. It was a really amazing experience. The surgeons got down to business and Olivia and I chatted here and there, and the anaesthetists explained things as they went along. I don’t know how much time passed as it is all a bit of a blur, but eventually the time had come to birth Leo. I watched most of the process, but in actual fact could not see the business end of things as it was a low incision and the bump kept things out of my line of sight….. but I admit to being particularly fascinated with the array of equipment that was being used!
Olivia was amazing. She did her deep breathing and I just kept talking to her when things were getting a bit rough on her poor body. As things got closer to Leo being born the staff got quite excited and I just remember this overwhelming feeling coming over me! It was actually happening right NOW. It was a little disconcerting when the surgeon climbed up on the table and all I could see what his butt several inches from my face… the anaesthetists explained that this is the part where one surgeon pushes while the other one pulls. It looked very painful, thank goodness Olivia was numb, because the amount of pressure the surgeon put on her tummy to ‘birth’ Leo was impressive!
Time stood still. It was just magic!
I
bawled and bawled – luckily Olivia couldn’t quite see my face so she
thought I was doing great – most unlike me lol. When they lifted him up
my heart stopped. I really couldn’t take it all in.So I went over to the table and had such a huge rush of feelings. He was perfect, pink, and had given a little cry. Everything was fine. His weight was proudly announced at 10lbs 10oz and the student midwife went to sit with Olivia for a time and to make sure she was ok.
I
was so afraid to touch him. The midwife then took my hands and put them
on him and from that moment on there was no holding back. I cut the
cord which was itself a very symbolic and sacred event.He was checked over and given the all clear and within moments was on my bare chest and we were wrapped up in a blanket sitting back chatting with Olivia so she could see him.
Something amazing happened. Once he was in my arms and Olivia knew he was fine and with me she just completely relaxed and she went to sleep. It was amazing. I sat there with our beautiful little son in my arms watching this amazing woman resting after an incredible job well done. Watching her sleep I felt like I was her sentinel just for a short time, making sure everyone took good and careful care of her. I said to her later that it would have made a great story if she had started snoring…. But she was very peaceful and just slept the whole time she was being stitched up.
The
student midwife Reyna (who had been with us for the whole pregnancy)
took the camera out to Mark so he could see photos of his son, and it
was only a short time before we were all reunited in the recovery room. I
was treated like a queen and wheeled out in a wheelchair so that Leo
could stay with me. Everyone was just so kind and considerate. While
Olivia rested and while she was being monitored I gave Leo his first
breast feed. I didn’t have a lot of milk to give him, but feeling him at
my breast with Mark holding us and Olivia looking on was very special.From the recovery room we were taken to the post natal ward and into our own double room.
The staff at Palmerston North hospital were amazing. Our stay there was great and I felt so supported in my wishes to have Leo at the breast, even though I didn’t have much milk myself, they bent over backwards to support my feeding him with a nursing supplementer so he got plenty of formula as well.
One of the precious moments for me was when I saw at the bottom of the meal planner “Adoptive mum”. It made me feel welcome and involved that they had catered for me in this way.
Having those 4 days in the hospital with Olivia were precious. It would have felt wrong somehow to have been separated at that stage. It was lovely to be able to give Olivia cuddles with Leo when ever she wanted, and to be able to do small things to help her pass the time – even if it was making her really bad cups of tea in the middle of the night lol.
When it was time to head home – and us back to the motel – we felt ready, and that was the aim, that the transition of having Leo tucked away inside Olivia to the outside with me was gentle for everyone. After such an amazing journey, and such a beautiful transition time after his birth, it feels natural to be at home now and beginning the next phase of our journey… life with Leo.
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