Introducing Veronica

She is aloof.
Look but do not touch.

I am here to command a room.
To make an extrance.
I dress to make a statement.
You will never know my truth.
That truth is mine.
My clothes, my hair, my make-up are all designed to divert you from who I am.
For now, for you, I am what you see.
For me, I am the form underneath. The unseen. Protected. Plain.

You see me and you see what I want you to see. Put together. Confident. Stylish. Individual. Strong. Nothing out of place. Everything completely under control.... including how you react to me.

Women stay away intimidated.
Men stay away but look from across the room.
I am tall, cold yet smoldering.

My eyes are closed to you, because if I opened them..... you would see me. Me.

They are shielded by vast eyelashes and vibrant eyeshadows. You are looking at the dressing, not what is dressed.


Veronica is a part of me that carried me through a very long time, in a place where appearance was a big part of my life. As an Army Officer's wife for many years I found myself building my own armour. I didn't have a rifle and a uniform to identify and protect me, I used my appearance to control my environment. That was my power, my shield. Over the years I became lost to it, but it was very important that this voice had a chance to speak. My Chorus is not just about the nice and the pretty, it is about the honest and ugly too.

There was so much about the lifestyle that I was ill equiped to deal with. It took many years for me to fully acknowledge this. My reaction to it is not just a reflection of the environment. It is a reflection of my self. Many others thrive in its environment. I did not. And it took me total burnout, the loss of my health, and at times my mind, to finally accept that.

The military and diplomatic environment dances to it's own tune. Steeped in traditions and expectations I embraced them at a very young age with the enthusiasm of a young woman on the cusp of discovering the world. 18 years of my life was spent portraying what I thought was expected. At times it can be a world of smoke and mirrors, it is not what is said or done, but how it is said and done.

Veronica was the part of me that kept it together while in effect I was rootless and adrift in a world I didn't belong in. The moving, the forced interactions with people I had nothing in common with, the judgement of superiors and subordinates, the constant sacrificing of what was important to me to such an extent I didn't even know what that was anymore.... Veronica kept me alive.

(It is only fair to say though, that Veronica was not the only aspect of my personality that existed in this space... but I will come to each of these in turn).

In my efforts to please those around me, I lost myself. It has taken 20 years to find that person again, and to be able to look back at this voice that I have called Veronica, and thank her for her strength and for her efforts in protecting me without me even knowing she was doing it