Surrogacy - A story

If there was one piece of work that sums up a surrogacy experience for me, then I think this would be it.

This is a large work, 30inches x 40inches and is a slight variation on a theme. The 'line' is still centre stage, but with the addition of the otherside of the figure.

I wanted to express so much with this work, that every aspect of it carries a symbolic aspect. The background has been created with chalk pastel. Normally this medium would not hold to a canvas very well, but that made it symbolically perfect for the task. Undertaking a surrogacy journey requires a great deal of trust, perserverance, determination, and finding a way of making the impossible - possible. So the task I set myself was to find a way to make this medium work on this surface, and not just work, but work well.

By applying thin layers of the chalk pastel, and sealing each layer, each block meticulously with a fixative, the finished product was perfect. It has a slightly delicate look, which is deceptive, because the surface is actually more robust than it appears. It also has a slightly 'distressed' appearance. Yet again, this is symbolically perfect for this piece.
I may haved appeared to be a broken sparrow at times, due to the emotional and physical toll things have taken on me.... but those very same experiences have also built a remarkable resilience and a determination to achieve something that I was repeatedly told is un-achievable.

The geometric background covers the whole canvas, on both sides of the central figure. This was in honour of the things that Katherine (our surrogate) and I shared in coming to this place. Not only do we share similar backgrounds and some personality traits, but we both have the same determination to see something through. It is also an acknowledgement of the future that we now share and the connection we have for lifetimes to come. Her story, her genetics, and her generosity (and that of her family who supported her), will forever be linked to me and my family as I raise the child of her body, the child of my heart.

The central figure is both of us. It tells our story.

Katherine, this piece is for you.


On the right of the figure is the line that is integral to this series of work. In this instance, the line represents Katherine. The feminine form is in profile showing the pregnant curves. Within the womb is the koru. The spiral that represents life. Life exists within this body. The breast is in profile because the breast, to me, is a symbol of nurturing. While Katherine gives this child life, it is not her job to nurture that child. The figure is in profile to symbolise the time line in a sense, of Katherine's involvement in this child's world. She is not passing through, as such, because she will always have that special connection to the child and to us, but her job, her responsibility in all of this, is for a finite period of time.... the conception, pregnancy and birth.

The figure on the left is representative of me. The Intended Mother in this story. We form the single figure that is central to this piece. We need each other to tell this story. This story is incomplete without the other part of the figure. My experience was very different to Katherine's. Hers was about creating life. Mine was about watching that life be created and taking that brand new life and committing myself to the raising, nurturing, loving and supporting of that life for as long as I breath.

I found being an IM a very masculine experience, much like a father would while waiting for his wife to have their child. The angular form expresses this. I could only experience this pregnancy from the outside, not with that intimate internal connection to the child within. I was a spectator, much like a father would be. I felt our baby move from the outside. I kept up with how things were going from a physically external place, bit an intimately emotional place.

While this part of the form also has a place where a womb should be, this space can hold no life. It is in profile because that part of the figure can not be part of this story. I had no womb to hold my child, and no ovaries to give the building blocks for the child to carry for eternity, so this space is void of anything that resembles a womb-like, life holding place.

The breast on this side is front on. I am this child's mother and nurturer. That nurturing continues for a lifetime and beyond, and is my commitment to this child's future. My nurturing, my mother-love, is hers, so symbolically having the breast front on expresses this. The shape of the breast is angular. This is because I undertook certain protocols to enable me to breast-feed her, even though I had not given birth to her. It was all I could give her in those early days.... but the process for that to be possible is not natural. It required medication and diligent use of a double electric breastpump for extended periods of time. I pumped every 2-3 hours night and day for months. Determination, diligence, and perserverance enabled me to give my own nurturing breast milk to my baby, but the experience was quite exhausting. Hooking myself up to a pump 8 - 10 times a day did not feel very feminine, but knowing it would enable me to do this one thing for my baby kept me going. It was the one 'feminine' thing I could do in this particular equation. Being able to produce milk from my breast gave me an opportunity to feel involved, and like any other mother preparing for her child. It helped me to connect with my nurturing feelings. The work, the preperation was something I could share with Katherine, an show her in a tangible way the extent of my committment to this precious child. It was so important to me that she knew just how much I loved this baby, and how I would move heaven and earth to be the kind of mother she hoped I would be.

So this is our story. Katherine and I. This is a visual footnote on an incredible journey about making a baby when you can't make a baby.