On a personal physical level, I had experienced 2 miscarriages myself and carried the emotional loss of those babies very deeply for many years. It is all too often we hear of beautiful women mentioning their angel babies, and all too often we see that certain look pass across their faces, a glimpse of the deep grief and longing that lives there.
Before we were blessed with Ysabellah, we were on another surrogacy journey with a special woman who wanted so much to help us. She also went through so much for us, enduring an early miscarriage, and then with our next try she endured extreme morning sickness, and then sadly another miscarriage at 12 weeks.
Watching someone else go through such a traumatic experience for you and because of you brings with it a unique set of emotions. Guilt became an almost constant companion for me and this was something that I was going to have to learn to conquer in the future.
Jo began spotting right on the day we turned 12 weeks so we raced in to have an urgent scan. This perfect little body was there on the screen, with perfect little arms and legs, the cutest little round head and body….. but the only thing missing was a heartbeat. The baby came away the next day and Jo was hospitalised for retained placenta. We brought the baby home, named her Yvette, and buried her in a special place. The weight of that guilt for what Jo had gone through weighed so heavily on us that we just couldn’t put her through that again. Deciding not to go ahead was the most difficult decision we have made on this journey thus far. We were all so devastated.
A surrogacy relationship is one of the most complex relationships a person can experience. And like any relationship, when it ends for what ever reason, it takes a lot of love and communication to work through that.
Mark and I had to decide at this point if we had the fortitude to put ourselves ‘out there’ again in the hope that another amazing woman might choose us to be her Intended Parents. We had been friends with Katherine since joining the online surrogacy community way back in 2006 and when she offered to take a journey with us it all just fell into place.
After our wedding in September 2007 we were away on our honeymoon in Taupo when the call came from Katherine that she was ovulating! So it was a quick trip home so the insems could take place and whallah…. Ysabellah ended up being our honeymoon baby… in a quirky way - Something to tell her when she is a bit older lol.
That too was a very traumatic and guilt laden experience, seeing my friend suffer so much with morning sickness and subsequent pregnancy woes, and then when it was time to bring Ysabellah home after spending a couple of weeks with Katherine and her family, it was a wrench. We keep close contact with Katherine and her family which is so important that our little girl grows up knowing where she has come from.
I have learnt so much about myself and about relationships during these years where surrogacy has been part of our lives. I have had to learn about guilt, what it is, why it is, and how to not let that overshadow what is such an amazing time in a persons life…. Creating a baby!
Even with the hoop jumping required by NZ law to adopt the children that are biologically Mark’s, dealing with Social Workers, and eventually the legal process of adoption, the complexity of the IP/surrogate relationship, the extended family that comes with the biological ties to the surrogates family, and the sadness that this precious child can not be carried within my own body…. What an amazing experience it is to be so blessed with our precious Ysabellah and to be even further blessed to be on this journey expecting this little miracle with a very special woman and friend.
.. Enter stage right…. Our beautiful Surro Angel…
Hi, I’m Olivia, the other third of this great baby making team. I am 33 and a single mother to my 3 year old daughter Tatum.
People ask what made me decide to become a surrogate. I had always thought about being an egg donor since my early 20’s, but it was important that I had my own family first. I have worked as a Nanny for the last 15 years and love the joy children bring into my life and can't even imagine how hard it must be for someone who can't have children.
I looked in egg donation after I had my daughter, but the fertility clinic didn’t recommend it because my medications for Crohn's Disease would clash with the hormone medications needed to take for egg donation.
So that left me with the only option of being a Traditional Surrogate. I joined the nz-surrogacy site in December 2009 and once I got my head around all the info needed when considering being a Traditional Surrogate there was no stopping me!
I desperately wanted to help a lovely couple experience the joy of having a child or children.
My Mum is my main supporter and I just couldn’t do this without her. Also my best friend Rachael has been my rock and is behind me 100%
This journey started with my finding Bernice and Mark on the nz-surrogacy website. I started messaging Bernice to get to know her a bit more, many messages and phone calls later I knew they were the perfect IP's for me. We just "clicked" and knowing that they had been through the surrogacy journey before made me feel at ease that they knew what they were doing and had the experience.
We have a great connection and great communication makes this possible. Bernice and Mark are very supportive and we are in touch every day. It’s so great being able to chat about anything and everything and have become close friends.
It can be really easy to put pressure on yourself when trying to get pregnant for someone else, but we all worked our way through that. The night that I ovulated I sent Bernice a message with a pxt of the positive Ovulation Predictor Kit test, because I wasn’t really sure if it was positive or not. Bernice got really excited and her and Mark jumped in the car to head up to me. It was already 10:30pm and we live a couple of hours apart, so it was pretty funny them pulling up at my place at 1 o’clock in the morning to drop off the sample! The 2 week wait seemed to take for EVER.
Testing day was supposed to be on Christmas day, but I did a sneaky test on the 20th. I didn't believe it had actually happened at first, I took 4 home pregnancy tests just to make sure! We had our Big Fat Positive!
I was so excited to tell them they were pregnant! I sent them a pxt straight after the first positive test. Bernice phoned me straight away. She couldn’t say much, in between the tears and being speechless. It was pretty special.
I'm enjoying being pregnant now the morning sickness has finished. The first scan was really cool. Mark and Bernice were there and it felt so good to see the baby there with its little heartbeat. I felt like I was doing a really good job and loved seeing how it made them feel to see their baby on the screen.
The next big thing that I am focused on now is making sure I take good care of growing their baby for the next 9 months. I have very precious cargo onboard.
I enjoy telling people about our journey as a "team", everyone is very interested and they ask lots of questions. And I'm proud to be a surrogate and spreading the word to educate people
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